The Real Me
by Spokenvoice
Summary: When Sara shows up at a crime scene her world starts to fall apart as she knows the victim – will the CSI team get to the killer before Sara does? SNickers
1. Another Long Day

**The real me**

**Summary:**When Sara shows up at a crime scene her world starts to fall apart as she knows the victim – will the CSI team get to the killer before Sara does?  
**Rating:** T (violence and Sexual content)  
**Starting Date:** May 27, 2006

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**Another Long Day**

Waking up that morning Sara groaned lowly, she'd only just rolled in from a double DB on the strip so why the hell was her Cell ringing? This couldn't be happening to her. She'd just got in – okay she was on call but this was ridiculous. Reaching over she picked up the phone, "Sidle" She growled.

"Sara, its Grissom. I just got a call I need you all down at the Lands Hotel" He explained, awake as ever. "I can't get hold of Nick is he with you?"

Sara, who by this time had already pushed her way out of the covers and was getting into a pair of jeans responded, "No…he went out with a friend after shift. Never came back here…tried home?"

"Yeah…I'll keep trying. Just get down to Lands and I'll meet you there" He instructed.

"Yeah" Sara mumbled still sleep filled. Sighing she cancelled the call and stood up heading towards the bathroom. She couldn't help but wonder where Nick was – and why Grissom couldn't get hold of Nick – when the Graveyard shift were on call they all knew to leave their mobiles on – they lived by this rule. Shrugging it off she readied herself for another long day, making a mental note to grab coffee on the way.

* * *

Pulling into the car park of the Lands Hotel, around an hour later, Sara noticed that there were the Denali's of the team and Greg's clapped out car all on the left so she pulled her SUV into an empty spot – wondering why this needed the whole team.

The beat of the music was calming and had helped her to get over the fact that she'd had less than two hours sleep – but as she switched of the engine and opened the door she was exposed to the fierce Las Vegas sun – sighing she knew from here this would be a long day. Taking her coffee from the drinks holder she left the truck and went around the back to grab her kit. Pulling it open she slipped her flack vest on over the white tank top she was wearing and clipped the gun and her cell into her belt that hung on the waist of her blue jeans that fell onto the black army style boots. The only thing running through her mind being that she better be getting double pay for this. Pushing her sun glasses onto her face and throwing her kit over her shoulder she started off towards the entrance with coffee in hand.

* * *

"Call Sara, Catherine and tell her to head to the lab… I don't want her here" Grissom barked at Catherine who was stood in the entrance to the room. The blond just nodded her head knowing that Gil Grissom was not in the mood to be argued with today.

Warrick walked up to Catherine, "What's going on?" he'd just arrived, and looked like he wasn't long out of bed himself.

"DB in the room, Grissom will tell you the rest" the blond explained as she reached for her cell –she began to dial only to find it was too late. Sara Sidle was walking up the corridor towards the older woman – sighing and wishing she wasn't the one to have to deal with this she clipped her phone to her belt and called. "Hey Sar..."

"Hey, so what's going on? Why have I been called back here when I only left work three hours ago?" The brunette questioned with a smile taking another drink from her coffee – strong and black. Catherine didn't smile, and Sara picked up on just how awkward she was being. "What's happening?"

"Sara, I…err…" Catherine stopped

"Catherine what…" Sara was getting impatient, "What the hell is going on here?" She took her sun glasses off and looked into the blue eyes of the blond CSI – she wanted answers.

* * *

Sara lost the breath in her body, she lent against the wall in shock. "What?" She sounded broken, looking to the side she saw Warrick exit the room followed by an officer – they were talking in a low voice, the officer Sara recognized as Detective Curtis – Sofia Curtis locked eyes with her, and Sara instantly felt her world start to fall apart – no way could this be happening. She dropped the coffee that was in her hand to the floor and pulled her arm free from Catherine who had placed it there moments earlier – taking deep breaths the brunette tried to calm herself – however she couldn't. And then, when she saw them, Grissom and Greg exit the room she knew by the look on their faces that this was a reality – that inside that room was a dead body of someone she loved.

Her knees buckled, her heart sank and she fell backwards against the wall before sliding down to the floor. Catherine tried to hold her but she was too late, the younger collapsed to the floor in shock – the blond followed and held Sara close trying to offer comfort.

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**TBC... **


	2. Hurt, Anger and Regret

**The real me**

_AN/ Thankyou all so much for the reviews, they mean alot to me. Hope you enjoy the second part_

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**Hurt, Anger and Regret**

"How's she doing?" Grissom questioned a visible upset Catherine who walked out of her office where Sara was now.

"How do you think?" She asked, answering his question with a question, "she's a complete mess"

"She shouldn't have seen him like that … and she never should have found out how she did" Grissom sighed as he push a hand through his hair, with a sigh he held out his hand. "Sofia will want to talk with her…"

"Just…give her a little time" Catherine asked.

"As much time as she needs." Grissom explained "and if you need me I'll be in autopsy. Look after her?"

"I will" Catherine reassured as she turned back.

Walking into the office she'd only left moments earlier, her heart shattered when she hared the light sobs from the brunette who had her head buried in her folded arms. Her back wrecked with the emotional pain. Catherine walked over and took a seat next to her colleague and friend placing her hand on Sara's back she offered what little comfort that she could. Seeing Sara like this was actually painful in it's self and in most ways terrifying – Sara was strong, she was always in control – Catherine had never before witnessed Sara cry. She didn't speak, because there were no words available to comfort the grieving woman. So she did all that she could, and held tight as Sara broke down.

* * *

Greg sat in the lab, looking at the photos in front of him. He found it hard, looking at the body, looking at the victim when he was closely connected to the team. He couldn't help but feel bad for Sara right now, and if he thought he could make this better he'd go and see her but he knew he couldn't, no one could make this okay. Someone who she loved was dead and there was nothing that anyone of them could do to change that or bring him back – he was gone, it was over. 

The images sprawled out on the table in front of Greg were enough to make anyone sick – even Greg with his training was having trouble looking at them. He wasn't sure if it was due to the identity of this guy or due to the fact there was so much blood, too much pain. Taking a deep breath he went about his job finding it hard, however, to concentrate.

Warrick paced the floor inside the lab that he was occupying, down the hall, as he waited impatiently for the results of the finger prints – there were two found on the knife left at the scene, one confirmed to been the victims – the other however still had no owner. "Come on…" He growled as the computer system muddled its way through the thousands of possibilities – each possible match, each failed print. All Warrick could think about was how he was failing Sara – he had to find the person responsible for doing this.

Each member of the team wanted to get the bastard who had caused so much pain.

* * *

There was a knock on the door to Catherine's office, breaking the silence that had fallen over the two women inside. Sara was sat now, her head rested on her hands just staring at the table – not crying, not talking just thinking and trying to deal with what the day had thrown at her. Catherine looked up to see the tall silhouette of the female officer. The door was pushed open and Sofia walked in – "hey – sorry to interrupt – I was wondering if you were able to answer a few questions" 

Sara just looked up, instantly locking a death glare on the blond officer, the brunette's eyes were rimmed red as mascara tracks dried – she was a mess but she couldn't have cared less. "Who did this to him?" she demanded.

"We aren't sure…" Sofia explained taking this question as the needed invite into the room. She shut the door behind her and moved closer to where Sara was still sat with Catherine's arm placed around her shoulders. "…Sara, we are doing all we can"

"All you can… just find the bastard that did that" Sara growled with so much anger both Sofia and Catherine were a little un-nerved.

Sofia just nodded, "Can I ask you a few questions?"

Sara just sighed and pushed her hand through her hair before nodding her head – and leaning back in the chair – her right hand was still shaking as her left was holding tight trying to still it.

"I'm sorry about everything that's happened Sara and I want you to know that we are doing everything that we pos…"

Before Sofia could finish her carefully rehearsed introduction she was cut of by a scowl and angry growl from one Miss Sidle, "cut the intro, ask the question and go back out there and find whoever did this"

A moments of shock and a few seconds to recollect her thoughts and Sofia nodded her head, "Very well… when was the last time you saw or spoke to him?"

Sara looked down at the table, "Last night…he came to my apartment" Sara explained.

Sofia nodded her head and made a note on the pad in her hand before looking up again, "Is there anyone that would want to…to…" For some reason Sofia couldn't bring herself to saying the words.

"Kill him?" Sara asked, with a bitter hatred – not towards Sofia but towards who ever had down this. Sara then sat and thought for a moment – she seemed calm, that was until something broke her – she stood up and pushed back the chair she was sitting in before she turned and walked over to the window. Catherine and Sofia both looked at the back of the broken CSI that they considered a close friend. This was going to be a lot harder that Sofia thought – she had anticipated sadness not anger – though she more than understood.

* * *

**TBC**


	3. Worse Than Ever

**The real me**

_AN/ Well i have to say i'm loving the feed back - and i promise, you won't have to wait to much longer for the plot to kick in ;) Thanks Guys  
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**Worse Than Ever**

She couldn't just sit in Catherine's office wondering what the hell was going on out there, if they had a suspect, if they had the guy who did this. Pacing the small room that felt with every passing second as though it was moving in on her she tried desperately to wake from this night mare. Wake up in the arms of her Nick when everything was great – but that wasn't going to happen. This hell was her reality – and she was going to have to live in it. A nock at the door broke the silence; she looked up to see Catherine enter with a glass in her hand. "Hey, got you a drink"

Sara didn't respond, just turned her back and paced over to the window. It had been a half hour since Sofia had finished asking questions – questions that brought more pain to her than she was already in – and now here she was been treated like a child. "I want to be in on this case" She explained so coldly that it made Catherine wonder if this was the Sara they had know or if this whole thing had changed her.

"Sar…"

"Don't Sara me, I want in and, I want in NOW!" She growled, turning around to face Catherine, "I need to find them, I need to make them pay" She was aware that her request wasn't possible but she didn't care. This wasn't a legitimate case for her that was going to run through the courts only for the bastard to get off – no. In the past half hour Sara had decided this case wouldn't get that far because she was going to kill him herself – she'd make him pay.

"Sara…listen to me…we are all out there…the whole team is working this case…this is priority and none of us will stop before we get answers and before I personally put him behind bars. You hear me?" Catherine was adamant about this, "I will stop at nothing but you need to let us do are job."

"The job, Catherine this isn't about the job…I want him to pay…" Sara explained. "I want him dead"

"Sara, listen to me…you need to stay away from this case – you got me. You need to stay away other wise he'll get off. If you even breathe on the evidence he's free." Catherine placed the water on the desk and then moved a little closer to the brunette. "Trust me Sara, I know how hard this is for you…but…"

"How hard this is? You have no idea…" Sara growled back as she lent against the wall behind her, looking over Catherine's shoulder, "What have I done?" She was once again slipping from anger and into sadness – this was hell for her it hurt just to breath. Her legs once again buckled but this time Catherine was able to take the full weight and she lowered them both to the floor. Wrapping her arms around the woman Catherine held her protectively – Sara didn't cry she just sat, still, empty – hurting.

"It's not your fault Sara, you didn't do this" Catherine comforted, with little effect.

"I should have been there for him, protected him…you don't understand" Sara continued as she welcomed the arms around her without any complaining. She needed to know that she wasn't alone- no matter how empty she felt.

"I'll personally get this guy Sar… Grissom has cleared the lab; this is the only case we have on till we nail it." Catherine encouraged, "How about I take you home?" She offered.

Sara shook her head, "I really don't want to be on my own…" She explained. Catherine understood. She knew only too well what it was like if you were left on your own with your thoughts at a time like this.

"Is there anyone I can call for you?"

Sara just shook her head, and forced herself to think – after a few moments she spoke with a low tone, pain filled and heartbreakingly cold– "I want the reports…"

"The reports...Sara…"

"Please… I don't want on the case I just … need to know what's going on. Everything Catherine…traces, evidence, witness statements, photos…all of it" Sara was begging now, but Catherine knew that this was something that she couldn't promise.

* * *

"Gil…can I have a word?"

Grissom looked up to see a emotionally drained Catherine leaning against the doorway into his office – "Sure come in…" Catherine nodded her head, moved into the room and shut the door behind her, walking over she took one of the free seats in front of Grissom's desk. "How is she?" He asked, and there was only one person that he could be referring to.

"Worse than ever …if it's possible…" Catherine explained with sadness. "We can't leave her in my office how she is Gil …"

He nodded knowingly; truth was though he had no idea what he should do. He couldn't comfort her because there were no words that would make this better. "What should I do?" He asked his friend sat before him – it was no secret that he wasn't good when it came to anything emotional or anything that involved living breathing people – sure if you needed advice on a corpse he was your man but when it came to people Gil Grissom was at a loss.

Catherine shrugged her shoulders, "I've never seen her like this Gris…" There was a moment where each gave a few moments thought to Sara before Catherine began again, "…she wants the case file…"

"She wants what?"

"I told her it wasn't a good idea but…she's not giving up" Catherine explained in her defense.

Grissom shook his head, "No…I'm not going to put her through this." He was adamant about that fact, "Has Sofia finished her questioning?"

"I think so…Sara didn't take that well either" Catherine informed.

"I didn't expect her to…" Grissom explained. With a sigh he lent back in his chair, "What are we going to do?"

* * *

"I think I have something" Greg called out to Warrick who was stood at the other side of the lab. 

The youngest CSI looked over, and then back down to what he found – "he was meeting a Richard Green… yesterday…"

Warrick looked over at the note that had been retrieved from the jean pockets, it had the name and a phone number scrawled on it and a meeting time. This seemed to be at least a starting point on the case – Warrick nodded, "Well looks like we need to have a little talk with Richard - give the name to Sofia, she can see if Sara knows the guy."

Greg just nodded his head, then turned leaving Warrick to run over the rest of the findings.

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**TBC **


	4. No Idea

**The real me**

_AN/ Like i promised - you're going to have an answer for your question by the end of this part - thanks for the reviews  
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**No Idea**

"Richard Green?" Sara asked, it seemed to grab her attention, "What, did he do this?" she demanded as she turned to face Sofia and Catherine.

"So you know who he is?"

"Did he have something to do with this?" Sara asked again as her hands found her stomach – the sickly feeling building up.

"We are unsure Sara, all we know is that a meeting between the two took place yesterday and this Green guy may be the last person to have seen him alive." The blond explained.

Sara shook her head, "no, Green wasn't even in Vegas…" she mumbled – the investigator in her taking over – replacing the grief. She was running on need to find now – with each passing moment the pain was been replaced with determination.

"How do you know him Sara?"

"We had a thing… I dated him a while back…three years together" Sara offered then she placed her head on the wall at her side, "He can't have had anything to do with this…"

"Is there any reason he'd want to kill him?" Sofia asked.

Sara looked into the eyes - Catherine, then to Sofia – "…they'd had a fight" She explained regretfully.

"Recently…"

"About a week back…but…" Sara didn't want to believe that this was happening. There was no way Richard could have done this. "…oh god…this is my fault" Sara explained, "It was over me…the fight" She was pulled into the fear that maybe she had been the reason he was lay on the slab right now.

* * *

"Grissom…Hey…Gris" Greg called as he jogged towards the supervisor who looked to have a lot on his mind. 

"Greg?"

"Check this out…the tox results that we got back…" He didn't need to say much more as Grissom read through the results. Then looked up at Greg – "Run with it…"

Greg nodded his head, then he looked to the door where he knew that the source of the worry for Grissom was Sat. "How is she doing?" he questioned with a sadness of his own.

Grissom shook his head, "not good…"

"We'll find the bastard Gris…"

"Yeah…we will" Adamant about it – he handed the paper back to Greg – "keep me posted on the find"

"Will do…"

"Have you seen Rick?" Grissom asked.

"He's with Archie – they are running through all the Video footage from the security cameras…"

"Okay…thanks"

* * *

"What do you think?" 

"That we need to find the bastard before she really loses it"

Sofia nodded in agreement, "I've got the best uniforms working this case… we'll do it" she said placing her hand on the arm of the blond. It didn't matter right now what if any problems there were between these people – after the events of the shift it was the support of each other that was keeping them all going. They all pulled together in times like this, and that's what made them all a team – they were more than a team more like a family.

Catherine nodded her head, "Thanks…"

"Hey, I care about her as much as you lot" Sofia offered a sad smile before she looked back at the paper in hand, "I'll bring this Green guy in and question him"

She nodded, knowing that the only reason Sara was agreeing to stay in her office was because she was still getting over the shock of what happened to her this morning – Catherine feared when the sock wore off and Sara kicked back full force. It was not going to be easy to control the brunette once this happened. As she watched Sofia walk away, she noticed another figure walk past – 'God damn it' she thought, 'it's about time'. Taking one last look at her door she decided that Sara would be okay then took off down the hall to where she followed him.

"Where the hell have you been?" She demanded with a new found anger – she was aware that she was taking her pain out on him but right now she didn't care. She was so scared – for Sara, for the woman that was usually so strong that she needed to blame someone.

"I know, I'm sorry – my phone, it's playing up" He explained as he pulled open his locker, "How pissed is Grissom?"

A silence feel between the two until Catherine brought herself to speak "You have no idea do you?" she asked as she walked further into the room, shock evident.

"Know about what?" He turned to look at her – she shook her head in disbelief.

"About you Girlfriend…" She snapped back

"Sara? What's happened?" Nick asked the fear evident.

"What's happened is she needs you, and you were a no show…" The blond looked to the floor trying not to show her anger.

"cath…is she okay?"

"Depends what your definition of okay is… her brother's been murdered Nick …"

* * *

**TBC**


	5. Dead Silent

**The real me**

_AN/ Here's part 5, thankyou for all the reviews - you are all great!_

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**Dead Silent **

Sofia paced the small room, waiting for the results that she

needed to come through – this Green guy was a hard man to get hold off. Sara was right; he lived in San Francisco so there was no address for him around here. So how the hell was Sofia going to find a guy who had no address? The only good thing about the guy was that he did a little time back when … just fresh out of collage he was taken in for GBH and criminal damage – so at least she could get a rap sheet on him.

"Any look on the find?" Brass's deep voice questioned from the doorway.

Sofia looked his way and shook her head, "Nothing…"

"God damn it…this guy has to be somewhere…"

"Yeah" Sofia agreed

"What is it you are waiting for?"

"Credit checks on all the hotels in the local area, if he's booked into one of them I'll find him" She assured. Brass seemed happy with this so nodded his head.

"You need anything you no where to find me."

"Thanks…"

"Okay, we have another fifteen minuets before the group meeting, lets pull it all together" Warrick called into the lab he and Greg were in. The younger of the two nodded as he waited for the printouts.

"You think Sara will sit in on this?" Greg asked.

Warrick shrugged his shoulders, "From what I can tell – probably not…"

That then brought silence over them both. Greg looked down at the printer and Warrick began once again looking over the photos. What would they do, it's not like they could single handedly no matter ho much they wanted to just walk out here and get who ever did it but this – this process it was painful now that it affected them. Usually this, it was just how it went it was only now that they all understood why the victim's families and friends got so angry waiting for an arrest.

* * *

"Okay…what do we have?" Grissom walked into the conference room, looking at the file in hand. Sat before him was Catherine, Warrick, Greg and Sofia. Sofia was the first to speak, "Suspect Green is been brought in for questioning by uniforms." She explained, "We managed to get to him at a hotel on the strip…he'll be here within the hour" Grissom nodded his head. 

Then looked to Greg, "What did you get with the tox?"

"Positive for Coke" The younger and newest CSI explained, "though he didn't suffer an overdose as COD he did have high traces in his blood stream"

"So drugs related?" Catherine questioned.

Greg shrugged, "Possible motive" he clarified, "May have got in deep somewhere along the line"

"Yeah…real deep…" Catherine mumbled as she looked down at her own file.

Before anymore could be said the door opened, and Nick walked in.

"Nick…"

"I want on the case" He explained, with a defiance.

"I think you should be with Sara Nick, she needs someone"

"She doesn't want me…" He explained with anger, "look, I need on this"

Grissom looked him up and down. Then handed him a case file that was on the table – Nick nodded his thanks before walking to the end of the table and taking a seat next to Catherine. She looked at him, trying to come up with an explanation for his anger – she knew what it was. Sara didn't want his help. He'd just had an argument with her…and he was feeling guilty. She settled back down to the meeting to listen to the rest of the findings she couldn't help feeling, however, someone she'd be looking after Sara.

* * *

She made her way through the lab, her hands pushed deep into her pockets with her sun glasses over her eyes to cover them – she'd been crying and that was something Sara didn't do – she didn't cry. Not in front of people – not here in the lab. All she wanted to do was escape everything- escape The team, escape the pain and mostly escape Nick. He'd walked into Catherine's office with that concern the look that Sara knew she would get once he decided to arrive – she couldn't take it, the sorry, the regret, she could deal with him trying to hold her – not now, he was too late. He should have been there for her to cry into not Warrick, she should have been there to hold her hand during all those fucking questions as they tried to make her brother look like a criminal not Catherine. But where was he? Huh? She just wanted out. That's what she did, got away from it all. 

She eventually got to where she needed to be, standing at the double doors she noticed that it was quiet, there was no one else around. Happy that she was alone she put her hands on the door and pushed it open. Slowly, summoning all her emotional strength to go through with this. She hated this, she never had a problem with this place before but now…she was having trouble even crossing the threshold. She felt as though her whole body had become heavy – her hand began to shake and to stop the sobs from breaking through she was forced to take deep, steady breaths.

Eventually she made it into the place, it was cold, and sterile – Sara hadn't really given it much thought before but it was too cold, it had the smell that forced your Gag reflexes to act up – a mix between cold iron, rotting flesh and disinfectant. In the middle, the metal table – he'd been lay there when they cut him up – in that very spot. She couldn't help but replay the many autopsies in her own head that she'd been to only replacing the face on the slab with her brothers. It was harder now to stop the tears as one fell down her cheek defiantly – only to be rubbed away angrily with the back of the brunette's hand.

She was unsure how long she'd been standing there but she decided that she couldn't just stand here and wait forever – she either had to do this or leave… making a decision she walked forward. Each footstep echoing around the deserted room – the silence of the dead the only company that she had – maybe she shouldn't do this…maybe seeing him would be to much… but there was no way the last images she was going to have of this guy, her brother, was with his eyes open lay on the floor of the hotel room. No … she needed something to kill that image and if it was him in the morgue so be it. Walking over to the freezers she stood in front of the metal door looking at the name tag – _M. Sidle. _

She felt her heart beat faster as her body moved automatically, her hand locking with the handle she pulled on the draw letting it slide out….

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**TBC **


End file.
